A Voice ... In Vain?

     Ministry.  The thing we call pouring our lives into something or someone.  The fight in us that will go to great measures to be a voice, to call someone out, to make a difference in someones life.  It's also the thing that quickly defines our true motives, our real make up.  Is this about me getting the results I want, or is it still about Jesus?
     The tough thing then that it hard to grapple with, is when after having stepped out to be a voice, after much prayer and time spent, it appears to be of no avail.  All the emotional energy, the seeking God for wisdom and direction, digging in the Word to share, everything we thought we were doing so right.  We tend to take it personal, tend to wonder what we did wrong, did we fight in vain?
     Then my mind goes to my dear Savior, Jesus!  The one who died so many years ago, not for just the ones who would except Him, but everyone!  He didn't decide ahead of time who was worthy of His death; only die for the ones who would receive it, make sure He didn't go through that torcher, pain and death in vain.  Neither did He put His Spirit of conviction and the draw of His Spirit on only those who will respond, at least not that I'm aware of.  It seems every day He is drawing and calling and fighting for the souls of those who do not yet know Him.  Everyday He is turned away, disappointed, His death made to no avail in individuals lives.
     As humans we want guard ourselves, stay on the safe side, make sure what we are fighting for is going to have the end results we want, make it worth the fight.  But I'm beginning to wonder, maybe that's not to be our concern.  Sure, we need to be lead by the Spirit, know that we are stepping out in obediance to what He wants us to do, but maybe it won't always "turn out".  Maybe Jesus just needed another human to love through, speak through, and represent Himself through.  Maybe He wants to call out through us in human form, just like He's doing in so many ways behind the scenes... Another voice, another reminder.  The rewards may not always be obvious, it may look like a waste of time, but I also believe representing Jesus will never be in vain.  He deserves to be represented and spoken for no matter the results!  You will receive your reward!
  

What Matters?

     The text message typed on a friends phone and handed to you in church, then the phone call.  The shock.  The numbness that clouds your mind as you try your best to grasp the information that is coming through the little black object at your face!
     There is nothing like the passing of a loved one, to put ones life into perspective.  My uncle at the age of 49, living his normal life, and suddenly gone!
     For one thing, it challenges me to not take for granted the people that are in my life.  Do, I let them know how much I appreciate them?  Do I build relationships, take time for people?  I don't know when the time will come that I wish I could and they won't be here.
     It's when one is face to face with someone who has just stepped into eternity that the reality of what really matters, hits home in a fresh way.  So, I make money, focus on passing issues, get caught up with my world, my wants and wishes.  But held up to the dazzling light of eternity, those things suddenly shrivel into oblivion.  I scrap through the ashes at my feet for the thing that will shine and glisten with lasting value, the solid substance that I can carry with me into my "real life" (eternity).  I find it to be relationships.
     Relationship, first of all with God, and then relationship with others... My heart on the path to eternal bliss, while encouraging, blessing and bringing along others on the same path! 
     Wow!  Life really is pretty uncomplicated!  . . . but how easy to loose focus!
          

Remembering my Favorite Christmas!

     It was hot outside.  Instead of snow on the ground, boots, coats and mittens, our attire was flip flops, short sleeves and please no jackets!  The date was December 25; Christmas day in Africa.  This particular year had the potential of Christmas being a sad, "look at what we missed out on" day, but instead ended up being one of my very favorite Christmases.
     You see we had just moved into a house that needed remodeling.  Things were still piled to the ceiling in one of the bedrooms while the house was being painted and ready to live in.  So, this meant pulling together all our creative resources and making this as "Christmas" as possible, with barely anything to work with . . . well at least according to American standards.
     Things began to take shape.  A door, which had been removed from one of the door ways, was discovered and propping two chairs at both ends, a table was created.  Now for something to cover the door.  A red African wrap-around would serve the purpose well. (A piece of fabric the women use to wrap around themselves as skirts.)  Never mind it wasn't exactly "Christmasy", the color counted.  With no electricity yet in the house, the candles and lantern in the middle of the table were both festive and necessary!
     Now for greenery?  There is no such thing as pine trees in Africa, and actually very little greenery in Dec. the beginning of dry season.  Then someone remembered the thriving vine that had practically covered the girls bedroom window.  It was green and even had tiny red flowers on it!  (We were delighted to see them growing in North Carolina.  I think it's called a trumpet vine or something like that.)  Yes, that was perfect.  Greenery was soon stretched in the middle of the table between the candles and lantern.
     With everything set, and Christmas music playing, we sat down to a "table" ladened with special food.  I believe it was either a guinea, chicken or a rare turkey.  A version of, pretty realistic, "mashed potatoes" made from the locally grown yam, and I'm guessing salad or a canned vegetable.  (It's been awhile!)   Oh yes and Dad had "splurged" at the "Western grocery store" and got juice boxes and chocolates for each of us!
     It was a very merry Christmas made even more enjoyable because we didn't have!  We couldn't just go to the store and pick up our Christmas foods (except expensive ones), supplies, or even gifts.  We were able to find enjoyment in the simple things and that Christmas sticks out in my mind, above all the other Christmases!
    

  

God is Good

     I told my church yesterday morning in our Thanksgiving service that I was thankful that even when life doesn't feel good, that we can trust and know God is good. It's been after a year of soul stretch and searching that I can say from the depths of my heart that God IS good!

     Somehow as Christian's, at least I for one, have had to come up against the hidden, subtle concept that when we are following God, God will bless us with those things that feel like a blessing, feel good. When we step out into something that feels bizarre and scary, step out in faith, because we feel like that is what God wants us to do, we automatically expect a rewarding outcome. We stepped out in faith, right? We are fighting for a good cause, are we not?

     It was a year ago, after having stepped out in a similar faith step, out into some unknown waters, only to have everything that I was fighting for crash around me, that I had to re- evaluate what God being good looks like.

     How does it feel like good when your faith was rewarded with a crash. When the miracle you felt God was pointing you towards ended in pieces at your feet? If God is good, this doesn't feel like good!

This feels more like betrayal, like God let me down and honestly I didn't like that feeling. I knew it had to be a human feeling because God doesn't do wrong, God never fails, my God says He is only good. I searched for answers to the mixed messages and confusion churning between my heart and my mind.

Following is a clip from my journal:

     “How do I know I can believe what He is saying next time?

     Jesus whispered to my heart and asked me if I believe He is good? Is Jesus all good, with no darkness in Him? Does He give only good things to His children? Of course I knew the answers. So, what if Jesus promised to do exceeding abundantly above what I ask or think but He had to take this away to give me something better... God is God! He keeps His promises but He also sees the whole picture: sees it from a totally different perspective...

     Thank you Jesus that you can be trusted to be working out only good in my life! You have goals, You see the process that's involved in completing or accomplishing the goals and purposes You are working out in my life. This is not a dead end street, a messed up mission, a defeat, or even God going back on His Word. This is only one chapter in the whole book; one link in the chain, and the end of the story; the next chapter, has not yet been read. Yes, they are written, God has every day planned, I just haven't gotten to the next part yet.”

     I look back over my journal of the past year and see God's faithfulness to whisper to my heart and strengthen my faith. One clip from last November, John 20:19 had ministered to me. Only in my case it was changed to fit my situation: “Blessed are those who “don't understand what I am doing” and believe me anyway.

     The story of Mary and Martha and the death of Lazaras ministered to me. Jesus knew ahead of time how the death of Lazaras would bring Him glory, but at the same time his heart hurt for Mary and Martha as they went through the pain of the death. Jesus cares and hurts when we hurt.

    I still don't claim to have all the answers, to understand what that chapter of my life was about, but it is comforting and strengthening to know that we can safely follow God wherever He takes us, wherever He leads, because God is good. It might lead us into hard things, into things that don't make sense, but He will lead us one step at a time as we commit every step into His hands. I may never totally understand but sometimes it's like the song that says, “It's not about what's waiting on the other side; it's the climb”.

Why Troubles ...

     Talking with my sis this morning about the why of unanswered prayer.  Why pain and hard knocks?  Why God doesn't always heal sickness, or solve all our problems?  Even Paul in the Bible had a "thorn in the flesh" that God didn't take away.
     We look at life from such a human perspective.  Everything around us feels so real in our little human surrounded world of things and stuff, feelings and problems.  This is our realm, this is what feels most real to us.  Yes, God is there in the big picture, but sometimes the big picture can feel so big and less tangible, in comparison to this tangible world that we live in.
     I've been thinking of the fact that who we really are is what's inside of us, the part of us that will live for ever; our eternal being.  We forget that we will live forever.  That fact was almost startling as I thought of it this morning.  So . . . these years here on earth are only a temporary stopping place.  Is it maybe a preparation place?  Preparation for eternity?
     This is actually encouraging in a funny way, when we think of age.  We are eternal beings, so actually our age is only the number of days that we have been on this circle of dirt, so far.  Kind of like taking a vacation and counting how many days you've been there, because it's a separate happening from the normal routine of life. 
     So, our real life is eternal.  Could all of this make more sense when we look at it in that light?  The problems, the unanswered prayers, the pain and things that don't make sense to us.  Even the line,  "If God is a good God why does He allow bad things to happen".  God is more concerned about our inner being.  Our inner spirit and soul.  The real us that nobody else can see (with human eyes anyway). 
     I've come to realize that things that deepen my spirit the most and the times my roots grow deeper is through the tough times.  The times of faith shaking, when every heart muscle is getting stretched to it's max.  When you find yourself straining to get a hold of the only solid thing that can really be trusted, and your heart takes you back to God and confirms to the very core of you, that God really can still be trusted.
     Looking at life from a human perspective, we want God to solve all our problems, make life a safe, secure and predictable place.  But God is out to make spiritual warriors, hearts of faith, strong spirits that will depend only on Him.  He wants souls who will believe in Him through anything, who will find Him to be their ALL in all. 
     I get this mental picture of all our souls entering into Heaven.  Some will be healthy and strong, some will be scrawny and weak.  I wonder if it will be a little like graduation.  It will be the day that will reflect the years of training and preparation on earth, the life of our inner person.
     . . . And God is preparing us for THAT DAY!!!   
    

Daddy's Girl

     I LOVE this picture!!!!  My Grandma just sent it to me tonight and it says it all! 

"Come follow Me" . . .

"I know the plans I have for you" . . .

"Will you trust Me" . . .

"I will lead you along the best path for your life" . . .
 
"In My presence is fullness of joy" . . .

"Be still and know that I am God" . . .

"Fear not for I am with you" . . .

"Be not dismayed, I am your God" . . .

"I will strengthen you" . . .

"I will help you" . . .

"I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness" . . .

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" . . .
     This is just for starters.  The list is endless . . . Jesus' messages to us are is endless!!!  Bottom line, it's the awesome title of being "Daddy's girl"!!!!!!  LOVE IT!!!  

Rest - Letting Go

     There are so many mental pictures that come to mind as I think of rest, or the lack of it; floating down a river in a raft, a passenger in a car, a team of oxen. . . Ok I'll explain . . .

     The person on a raft is at rest as they allow the river to carry them where ever it chooses. They don't know what's around the bend, where they will end up, what sights are ahead or what dangers. They are totally at the mercy of the river. The river to me represents God and being lead by His Spirit. The trouble starts when we try to take things in our own hands, try to change the direction the River is taking us. Hanging on to stuff, or pulling stuff onto the raft, that we want to cling to, quickly sends things helter kelter, off balance, and in a spin. The best way to get the most out of the journey, is resting in the center of that raft, letting everything else go, until it's only us and the River. The beauty around suddenly becomes something to enjoy, to absorb, as we joy in the center of God's will. What once felt scary and out of our control, becomes an adventure with God, a mixture of rest and excited anticipation of what God has around the next corner!

     The car scenario is a similar picture. We're the passengers and Jesus is the driver. He never gives us much information on where we are going. He sometimes takes us to crazy places, that we would never go if we were driving. I mean seriously, we could plan this trip better, right? Where He's going doesn't always make sense. Sometimes it's scary! Another time He takes us into some desert land, bouncing over rough terrain. This does not feel like it should be part of our journey and we conclude He's not taking us the right way. That's when it's easy to try to help out a little. You know, grab the wheel, see if we can steer this thing better then the Driver. But that's when the real problems start. Grabbing the wheel is never a good idea! We don't have the GPS, we don't know where our personal journey is suppose to be going. Really, we can't proceed in our journey, and get the best mileage out of our trip, until we take our hands off the wheels, and hang on for the ride! We're in for an adventure!

     I never really connected much with the comment Jesus made about His yoke being easy and His burden light, until I was in Africa and got to see an example of it first hand. It was the neighbor man, working with his yoke of oxen to plow a field. Obviously one ox was a wild one and the other had done this before. The neighbor had put a make shift yoke over both of their heads, tying them together. The only thing was, the wild one didn't want to go where the seasoned one went. This made for a problem as one ox tried to go one way and the other one tried to go another way. It didn't make the yoke look very easy or light, right then. And my brain was going “ching ching” . . . Jesus' yoke IS easy as long as I'm going where He's going. Pulling along side of Jesus, He helps carry my part of the yoke, and makes it very easy. The problem begins when I have something else in mind, want to go another way separate from where He's going; it's not so easy and light!

     So maybe the rest is actually surrender, letting go and embracing the journey He has me on! Whatever the best description is, it seems life becomes the most adventurous when He is most in control of my life!